well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
