Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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