Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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