Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
