i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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