smell my finger.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
