you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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