if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I didn't notice because vodka
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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