Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
