Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
