I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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