just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
