tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
