How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
