i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
