i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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