yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
