Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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