Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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