respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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