is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
