I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
