its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I touched a dick in church today
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
