Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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