Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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