somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
