The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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