Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
