I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
