meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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