Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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