So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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