Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
