D3 body, D1 cock
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
