she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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