think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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