i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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