I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize