No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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