When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
