I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
