New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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