he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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