omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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