he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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