I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
thus making me awesome and them whores
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
