he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize