oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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