Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
