i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
please come you make the beer taste better
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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