when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize