I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
