I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
