My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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