fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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