apparently the secret to your success is patron
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
