No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
