i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
