Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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